The Gym

For the past three months I have decided I want to be in the best physical shape of my life. After much deliberation I have decided that shape is an octagon. They're simple, easy to draw, and have the same number of sides as my favorite number. Frankly I'm having a hard time thinking of any reason I wouldn't want to be octagonal. But, God had a different plan for me, so here I am in a human shape.  

I have three beach vacations including a honeymoon this Summer and I want to look my best. Another reason for my sudden gym habits is that I got a gym membership. I have noticed a direct, very strong positive correlation between having a gym membership and visiting a gym. I don't know if this could be considered ironic or not, but when I didn't have a membership I went exactly zero times.

There are a lot of ways to work out. There are a lot of ways to work in too. They are not the same, however. When I Googled 'Work-in' the following picture showed up. That is very different from what I have been doing for the past three months. Working out requires similar apparel, but different in one key area: color. My suit has been red, not white. Entirely different. I have no idea what those people are doing in their white suits and I'm questioning if they really are working in or not. But back to working out. The gym is full of interesting characters. There's David, who works out in a wife beater. Everyone wonders why he doesn't just put a dang shirt on. Then there's Daved, who only wants to use a machine while someone is currently using it. He always says weird things like "Hey, is that a 50lb dumbell in your left hand there? Yea, I didn't see it over on the rack. You aren't using it are you? Thanks" as he rips it out of your clenched hand mid repetition.

By far the weirdest guy at the gym is Davad. Even the way he spells his name is whack. Davad seems like a nice guy except that he's always watching cartoons on the television. It's definitely not normal for a man of 28 or however old he is. One time I even asked him, "Excuse me sir, do you mind if I put the baseball game on?" and he told me as soon as "Pony Adventure Time with Nelly" was over we could. I was appeased at this until I learned that it was a "Pony Adventure Time with Nelly" marathon without commercial breaks. For a full hour I had to endure watching animated Nelly braid a horse tail using chop sticks. 

One of the more friendly regulars at the gym is Dave. Dave's a good guy, but he doesn't stop talking. On Monday he came up to me and asked how my weekend was. I told him it was good. He then launched into a 45 minute speech about how he tried to host a barbecue on Saturday but he was out of catsup so he asked his neighbor for some but his neighbor thought he said 'catnip' and brought some of the latter to the barbecue. By telling me this story he effectively launched himself into a one-sided debate about wet and dry cat food, neither of which I have any interest in, even when I'm not working out. Every time I tried to leave to use a machine he would follow me and ask questions like "Do you prefer tuna in oil or tuna in water for a hypoallergenic cat?"

And then there's Devid. Devid is the grunter. Seriously, if you thought the Williams sisters were bad, you should hear Devid. He doesn't even need to be doing anything strenuous to grunt. He grunts while he gets a drink of water, which usually results in "Say it don't spray it" situation. Devid grunts when he walks into the gym. He grunts when he says "Hi" to me. He grunts when he writes his lifting numbers down. And he grunts when he looks up at the clock. Devid also likes to workout by lifting large boulders and throwing them. Devid is a caveman. 

And finally there's Dived. I think his name might actually be David, but he's British and when he says his name it sounds like Dived. Dived is a fun guy to have at the gym, except that I don't think he knows the difference between a weightlifting gym and a basketball gym. Dived brings his basketball to the weightlifting gym every day and dribbles it around. Several people have asked him to please stop but he says "This is America right? Free country! I think I'm allowed to play basketball in a gym!" He slam dunks on the pull up bar, even while others are using it. He posts up against the weight rack, even though it never tries to block his shot. His worst offense, however, is when he tries to call out captains to make teams. I can't even tell you how many times I've had to tell him that I'm in there to lift weights, not play basketball. Crazy Brit.

Same Sex Marriage

It's time to have another serious blog post. They only come around about once every five years, or every 40 posts. But I've been feeling compelled of late to voice my opinion instead of standing idly by. The topic is same sex marriage. I've dabbled in this discussion in the past, and I'm often left wondering how to better present myself and my opinions. Hopefully a thoughtful blog post that's only read by approximately my mother and my two sisters will suffice.
It's quite apparent that the American media has decided that they are pro gay marriage- which is understandable, they're allowed their opinions- except for how they paint the opposition. In our society it is assumed and believed that if you are anti gay marriage than you are intolerant, a bigot, and homophobic. It saddens me that this is how all opponents of gay marriage are seen through the media's portrayal. If a prominent American voices their opinion against gay marriage they could lose their job (as did the CEO of Mozilla Firefox, Brendan Eich) and they most certainly will be seen as intolerant. I don't believe that is the case. I consider myself an opponent of gay marriage while still being an accepting, loving individual. I remember clearly a high school assembly on tolerance where a classmate of mine said "It seems pretty stupid to use 'gay' as an insult. I mean, just the other day I heard someone say 'This test tube is so gay; it doesn't work at all' and I thought to myself, 'that's a weird way to describe the test tube. I'm pretty sure it doesn't have any sexual feelings whatsoever!'" That one story, told over a decade ago, still rings true in my ears and ever since I have vowed never to use 'gay' as an insult and I've kept to it. I have tremendous respect for many gay people. In fact, unbeknownst to me at the time I moved in, I live in a gay neighborhood. Two of my immediate neighbors are gay couples, and the house two doors down is two gay men. I don't agree with their lifestyles, but I also don't hate on them in the least because of it. Many of my friends from high school are gay, and some of my former classmates at BYU are gay (WHAT?!).  I grew up in Massachusetts. My fiancee is from California. We're not exactly strangers to friendly, loving, good people who also happen to be gay. I love these people and want no harm or malice towards them. I welcome their friendship and service to our communities, while still disagreeing with their lifestyle. Perhaps the same could be said of a cheating husband. I wouldn't agree with his actions in the least, but that doesn't mean I hate him or will deny his friendship or hand of service if offered.
So why am I opposed to gay marriage? It would be difficult for me to put forth a scholarly, persuasive argument filled with facts and evidence, so I'm not going to try. Instead, I'll just tell you what I do know. As a  member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I believe in a living, modern-day Prophet who has the same authority and calling as did Noah, Abraham, Moses, Peter, and all the other Prophets in the Book of Mormon and the Bible. The Prophet today is named Thomas S. Monson. Before him the Prophet's name was Gordon B. Hinckley, who died in 2008. In 1995, many years before gay marriage was a prominent issue in the US, President Hinckley declared through revelation from God that 'Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.' I believe the Prophet's counsel and wisdom that marriage should be only between a man and a woman. I believe that the first married couple on Earth were Adam and Eve. I believe that God only wants marriage to be between a man and a woman. I believe that He commands all of us to love one another and be tolerant, and reserve marriage to be between a man and a woman. Noah probably couldn't give a very factual argument as to why he was building a boat during dry weather, but he did so anyway with the faith that following God would lead to happiness. I may not be able to offer a factual argument against gay marriage, but I believe it's what the Prophet has commanded us and I believe it is the path to happiness. I have NEVER been let down by following the Prophet. He's not perfect, I recognize that, but his counsel comes from God and will not lead us astray. President Monson and President Hinckley both taught tolerance and love, and taught that God's will is for marriage to be reserved strictly between a man and a woman. I agree with this.

Wedding Planning.

Wedding Planning. It's an amazing thing. It's sort of like planning for a bar mitzvah, but for Jews and non-Jews alike, and you're not 13. The basic ideas- such as Stars of David, kippahs, cakes, and family- are pretty much exact parallels across the two different types of parties. I am blessed to be betrothed to a truly incredible planner and organizer, so she's taken the reins in pretty much all things wedding planning. She's by far done the majority of the planning but she runs things by me and I give them a יאָ or קיין. Here's what I've gleaned from two months of conversations about weddings:

• They're not actually at all like bar mitzvahs. This was a surprise to me. At all the bar mitzvahs I've been to there's been some lengthy Yiddish recitations. I guess that doesn't happen at Mormon weddings. When Caity told me that I was like, "וואָס עמעס!"
• Planning a wedding requires a lot of emails and internet searches. I don't know how they did it before the Internet. Maybe people just didn't get married before the Internet? I can't think of a single wedding I ever went to before its inception, and as such I'm forced to conclude that they just didn't happen before the mid 90s. Sure I've seen pictures of weddings in the 80s and earlier, but that's all they are- pictures. I've never seen a wedding invite from the 80s or catering from the 70s- clearly demonstrating the improbability that weddings as party events actually happened previous to the world wide web.
• There are a lot of similarities between the bride's experience and the groom's experience in the planning process. Allow me to shed light on one or two of these:

1. The bride has 3-4 fittings for her dress. The groom has 0-1 fittings for his suit.
2. ...

I guess I can only think of one difference. It must be the exact same experience for bride and groom.
Thus far I've been super impressed with Caity's planning. She's taken total control of the planning, and not in a Bridezilla sort of way. We still have three months before the wedding and we've already done the following:

• Signed a lease on an apartment (true)
• Got her wedding dress and my wedding suit (true)
• Ordered the invitations (true)
• Scheduled a visit with the cater, baker, florist, and interior decorator (true, true, true, false)
• Started retirement funds for our future children (false)

Caity and I have decided to take some less traditional wedding moves as well. I'm planning on taking her last name and she's going to take my last name. We feel that that's an appropriate compromise. That way we'll both be giving a little bit of ourselves to one another. We've also decided that she will get a dog. It will have to go to work with her and she'll have to take it out and entirely take care of it so that I don't even know it exists, but I've agreed to buy its food as part of the sacrifices that must happen with marriages. Yes, we definitely feel prepared for the selflessness of marriage.