Africa and "Going Rogue"

 One of my favorite websites is The Onion. The Onion is a comical news site that is well known for humorous headlines that generally don't make any sense. I would love to one day write for The Onion. Below are some of the news headlines I thought up, in the spirit of comedy. Let me know if you think they are good. If you are just befuddled, go to their website to get an idea of what's going on here.

World News: "African Union Calls for a Return to Pangea."
Morgan Tsvangiri, the Prime Minister of Zimbabwe, called on world leaders this week to return to the days of Pangea, citing 'all would benefit, and especially Africa.' Frustrated with his country's 1,000% inflation rate and history of corruption, Tsvangiri recalled the ancient days when Africa was nestled safely in the Gulf of Mexico, comfortable under America's wing. 'Those are the days we wish for our future!' he hailed. Other members of the African Union were less excited about the idea. Mwai Kibaki of Namibia scolded Tsvangiri, claiming, 'First we give the United States their President, and now you want to just roll over like a hyena and give ourselves up to them? Never! We are an independent continent!' This news is certianly causing a stir in America as well. Political analyst Benjamin Stott of the Washington D.C. thinktank, "Think Tank," says Africa would have a difficult time making its way across the Atlantic Ocean: 'I don't know how they would move that large of a landmass across an ocean. Call me a nay-sayer, but I just don't think it can be done.' Tsvangiri says his plans have not been formalized yet, but internet leaks point to him harnessing whale power and using 'very, very strong cords.'