Christmas Holiday Movies

My Christmas break has been broken. I did some productive things (played basketball 2x a week, went to a museum, did my Christmas shopping etc.) and I also watched a lot of movies. The following is a list of the movies I watched, what I thought of them, and a rating out of 5 Hollas ('Hi' refers to half a Holla). Because I watched so many in the 3 weeks I won't write much about them:

• Going the Distance: Apparently the distance is only one millimeter. Not that good of a movie. Holla Holla.
• Epic Movie: Epic Failure. Hi
• Drillbit Taylor: More like Drillbit Awesome. I love Owen Wilson. Holla Holla Holla
• World Trade Center: It was really boring and depressing. I didn't even make it all the way through the movie. Holla.
• Chasing Papi: Chasing greatness, and catching it! A total surprise hit! Holla Holla Holla Holla
• The Pink Panther (2006): I don't care if he was green, black, red, or pink- this panther was hilarious! Holla Holla Holla Holla
• Inception: More like Deception. This was my second time watching it and I learned a lot. I can now safely identify Leo Dicaprio from Ellen Page! She's the one with long hair! Holla Holla Holla Hi
• The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer: Apparently fantastic doesn't mean what I thought it meant. Hi
• Killers: Killer movie. Have you even heard of it? One of Ashton Kutcher's finest. Seriously, it was really funny. Holla Holla Holla Hi
• Knight and Day: Surprising better than I thought. Same plot as Killers, virtually, and pretty enjoyable. I loved the Boston scenes, too. Holla Holla Holla
• Fool's Gold: The opening scene where the boat sinks as they're scuba diving was LOL worthy. Not too much happened after that. Holla Holla
• The A-Team: Let's just say I hope there isn't a B-Team. Holla
• Steep: A documentary on extreme skiing. I slept through part of it, but if you like skiing you should enjoy it. Holla Holla
• The Social Network: Exceeded my expectations. It was a great movie. See it, and don't abandon all your friends for billions of dollars. It won't make you happy. This was probably the only movie that required me to think. That's a real sign of approval for this one. Holla Holla Holla Holla Hi
• Red: A great cast that worked well together. It had action and comedy, although not much thinking was necessary to enjoy it. It's more geared for the middle-aged generation. Holla Holla Holla
• Joe Somebody: Heartwarming, and sweet. Joe became somebody. Holla Holla Hi
• Good Hair: A documentary on African-American hair, but Chris Rock. If you don't know what a weave or a hair relaxer are, you need to see this. I can never look at an African American woman's hair the same way again. Very eye opening.

Wow, I really did watch a lot of movies this break. I think it's time to do something productive. Does watching a documentary count as doing something productive?

Movie Reviews

This summer I have seen deluged with movies, mostly because it only costs $3 to see the new releases in the theater (in Thailand). I saw most of the Summer blockbusters this year and my brief thoughts on them are below:

• Robin Hood (2010): If you are going to make a movie called Robin Hood don't make the only similarity between the new movie and the old one be the protagonist having the name Robin. This kind of felt like Gladiator meets a little bird with speckled eggs.
• Iron Man 2 (2010): It was entertaining, but I don't think it will do much for the Russian/American relations. Do all Russians have tattoos and knowledge of bionic men?
• Prince of Persia (2010): Finally, a quality movie about Persian time travel! I've been waiting ever since Aladdin was released in 1892.
• Eclipse (2010): I wrote a full review here, but in short I am team Bella. She's a big girl- she can make her own decisions.
• Inception (2010): You've already seen it so I really don't need to delve into much. Joseph Gordon-Levitt's fight scenes in the zero gravity hotel were pretty much the greatest cinematic accomplishment of the August.
• Alice in Wonderland (2010): Eh.
• Invictus (2010): I'm not sure if I was watching a movie about rugs or a personal Nelson Mandela memoir. The Persian rugs were nice, though I'm not sure why they caused such discontent in South Africa.
• Date Night (2010): Unnecessarily indecorous.
• Clash of the Titans (2010): If I were trapped in a foxhole with only a personal DVD player and a copy of Clash of the Titans I wouldn't even risk putting the movie in the player for the screen light. The risk would be too great that the movie might actually turn on and start playing.

A Movie in Thailand

I can't believe I'm doing this.
I'm in Thailand having spectacular adventures, and hardly even posting about them. And now that I am recording some for my future posterity I choose to write about the movie Eclipse? Well, perhaps I could argue that my time in the Far East has given me spontaneity and a relaxed attitude, so you're getting a relaxed post that should come as a surprise, given its content.
Movies in Thailand are very, very enjoyable. They have comfortable seats, air conditioning, and are inexpensive. Even the full priced new releases are under $3.00 at one particular theater. That three dollars is well spent given the exciting previews, the cool air, and the plush seats, regardless of if you're at something painfully ridiculous like P.S. I Love You or something as intriguing as Batman: The  Dark Knight. So, with that in mind and by the invitation of a few friends, I went to see Eclipse.
The theater was packed with little Thai school girls, and I was in the midst of them. You see, when you buy a movie ticket in Thailand you get an assigned seat, and since I bought my ticket after my lady friends (I was reticent about the movie decision) I did not get to sit with them. So there I was, the lone white man sitting in a Thai movie theater surrounded by teenage girls in their school girl outfits and giggling.
I went into the movie not knowing which in the trilogy (or quadrilogy I've since learned) the movie was. I haven't read any of the books or seen any of the movies and I know nothing about the plot except that I was supposed to align myself with Team Edward or Team Jacob. Turns out Edward is a Vampire and Jacob is a Werewolf! Given the two, I'd definitely choose the werewolf. As for the movie, I had low expectations and they were all met. Some of them were even exceeded if you can believe it! The movie had some funny one-liners where it actually made fun of itself, it had a sweet Vampire verses Werewolf fight scene, and the vistas from Washington were stunning. The love triangle was more developed than I thought and the Vampire/Werewolf aspect made it 'freshey' and original. I still don't have anything good to say about the books which I have not read, but the way the characters were portrayed in this film was acceptable. I admired Bella's courage and commitment, Jacob's perseverance, and Edward's self-control. They all had admirable traits, and teenage sex was addressed and frowned upon until marriage, which I thought was brave of the director. I'm not sure I can totally recommend the movie unless you are under extreme circumstances such as I was, but if it comes to the Dollar Theater, by all means go hit it up!

The Dollar Theater Triple Feature

Three movies (in the theater) in one day? Check that one off my bucket list!
While lying in bed one night a brilliant idea came into my otherwise relaxed mind. I love to see movies, and I love to only pay $1.25 for them. So why stop at one? And then I thought, Why stop at two? Anyone can see two movies in one day. What not see three? Then I thought of a really funny joke about the number 0 and the number 8 that my cousin told me, followed by a smile, and then I was dozing.

Movie Reviews: State of Play, Scoop, Sherlock Holmes

Lest you think I did too much reading this break, allow me to allay your fears with some critical movie reviews.
State of Play (2009)- Excellent movie. It had Rachel McAdams, journalism, action, current events, and brilliant suspense. I loved all of it. It put into question the necessity of journalism and the deviancy of certain politicians. The basic theme was a politician who is involved in an affair with the enemy, and how his good friend, a journalist, interprets the story and does some of his own detective work. Yes, I would recommend the movie. It had Ben Affleck, Russell Crowe, and Helen Mirriam too. Holla Holla Holla Holla.
Scoop (2006)- This movie was a real gamble for me. I found it in the chasm of the couch and its label said, entirely and exclusively, "Scoop." It may have been about ice cream; it may have been about a canine named 'Scoop,' or some other variation. Turns out it had some uncanny similarities to State of Play, meaning the scoop referred to a newspaper story lead. Featuring Scarlett Johansen, Hugh Jackman, and Woody Allen, it was well done. Mr. Allen stole the show with his slurred stutters and nonsensical sense of alacrity. The plot was murderous and still light-hearted. It was very British throughout and very delightful. Holla Holla Holla Holla.
Sherlock Holmes (2009)- This flick rounded out my 'S filmS' hat trick. Again with Rachel McAdams (and Jude Law, Robert Downey Junior), it was well acted. The director (some Guy who used to be married to Madonna) chose to introduce black magic and other mysticism involuntarily into the film, although their role was especially mysterious in the concluding scenes. I enjoyed the slow motion shots and the gumption of the dexterous Holmes, although this liberal interpretation was not how I would imagine a film from the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle books to be, if I were to read them. It was a decent movie but don't expect me to see the sequel in the theaters. Holla Holla Holla Hi.

Psycho, X-men Origins: Wolverine, Chuck Close

Three more movies in my life are left for review. What to do? Oh What To Do!? Review and give you a preview? Destroy and leave you to employ [me]? I think the former, because the latter makes no sense whatsoever.
Psycho- This Alfred Hitchcock thriller is the best product to come from someone named 'Alfred' since bubble wrap. (As you'd have it, bubble wrap was invented by Alfred Fielding, just three years before the release of Psycho. Thank you Wikipedia!). That must have been a magical few years with all the achievements by Alfreds. The Davids will have our time; you just wait. Psycho was in black, white, gray, grey, off-white, and any other combination of hues that can be boiled out of white and black. (I often wonder if there was color at all in the Sixties. I have no evidence to the fact.) Psycho was scary. Scary like you'd feel if you were in a room with a gaggle of geese, and you were covered in pond slime.

The Terrorism Threat, Pride, and a Korean Movie

Some brief reviews of campus lectures and events I have immersed myself in during the past week:
Tuesday (9/29/09): Kim Clark, President of BYU-Idaho spoke to the BYU-Provo student body about pride. I erroneously figured the devotional was going to be on lions in the Serengeti (lions travel in groups called prides, sort of like sixteen year old boys). I was hoping for some "Madagascar" or "Lion King" clips, but alas, he was refering to a different type of pride. Notwithstanding, it was moving and his deprecating views on pride were far from nominal. Holla Holla Holla Hi
Wednesday (9/30/09): "The Crossing" at the international cinema. What a Korean movie! I cried; I smiled; I became confused; I ate popcorn; I learned Korean, Mandarin, and Mongolian. It was a stellar film that really puts a vice on your heart. No hard-heartendness could withstand this plot. The acting was Oscar worthy (I'm not making a reference to Oscar the Grouch, although I have been impressed with his acting of late) and the plot gave me what I consider a peephole view into the bifurcation of Korea. It may not have had Seoul, but it sure had Soul.  Holla Holla Holla Holla

Transformers II and Star Trek

Two recent trips to the Dollar Theatre come to mind:
Transformers II: Revenge of the Fallen- Perhaps a more appropriate title would have been Transform Errors: Revenge of the Polluted Sequel. I was sorely disappointed and wished I could have transformed myself into a shorter movie. The characters were over done, like you'd expect roasting a marshmallow over a California wildfire. Holla
Star Trek- Now this movie was just downright well done, like you'd expect a 24 ounce Texas steak to be served to your denture-clad grandma. It had some amazing one-liners such as "Are you out of your Vulcan mind?" and a new pick-up line I'm dying to use: "I'll be watching your frequencies." The hard to understand astro physicist concepts were really broken down for us peons, such as what the Trekkies called "Red Matter" and "Black Holes." I appreciated this "Color followed by a Noun" version of science, and am currently trying to implement it; Chemistry would be make a heck of a lot more sense if I could just describe my results as "Blue Stuff," or "Green Gunk" instead of Bdellium, or whatever farrago I am trying to get off my hands. Holla Holla Holla Holla
How many Hollas will October 1st 2009 receive? You decide...

Movies I Have Seen This Summer

FREEDOM! That will forever remind me of New Hampshire and Braveheart.

You will not regret this movie. Unless you are French.

Hugh Grant, you have done it again.

As you may recall, I like to watch movies. Especially over religious holidays such as Ramadan and at Bar Mitzvahs. Summertime is also great for movies, mostly only because the rental store (aka the library) has year round air conditioning and it gets quite cold in the Winter months. Anywho, I have analyzed my Summer movies, giving them each a brief review, and a scale from zero ‘Hollas’ to five ‘Hollas.’ A half of a ‘Holla’ is represented by a ‘Hi’ (I was going to use ‘Ho’ but my gardener told me it was offensive).
Cheaper by the Dozen “Steve Martin could be in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and it would be funny. This one was slightly reminiscent of an experience I had at my grocery store recently, while purchasing eggs.” Holla Holla Holla Hi
The Fantastic Four “A fine addition to the Marvel series, although the only thing worth marveling over is Jessica Alba.” Holla Holla Holla
Look Both Ways “An independent film that probably should have remained that way. Its company was not appreciated, although the Australian accents and scenery were fun to watch. It’s about pessimistic people that don’t do anything with their lives but think about death. It sort of reminded me of Al-Queda.” Hi
The Medallion “Jackie Chan as a jeweler. It had potential, but all in all Jackie just wasn’t that great selling pendants for a living. If I want to see a jeweler I’ll go back to Provo.” Holla Hi
The Forgotten “I won’t forget this one for awhile. You shouldn’t forget this review for at least the rest of today. A thriller about motherhood. Yes, that’s truthfully what it’s about. It makes you thankful for your own mother and her alien fighting powers, judging of course that she is Juliana Moore and legitimately has Martian marshalling abilities. ” Holla Holla Holla Holla
The Longest Yard “With the exception of The Greatest Invention Since Sliced Bread: A Documentary on The Rolodex, this was the most offensive movie I have seen. I had to turn it off at the twenty minute mark. I think maybe it was about my walk from King Henry to the Talmage Building on a cold December morning, but I didn’t watch it long enough to find out.” This one doesn’t even deserve a complimentary hand wave, never mind a Hi or Holla.
Super Size Me “It was about food; how could I not like it? Watching a healthy man with a fu-manchu destroy his innards on McDonald’s was surprisingly quite entertaining.” Holla Holla Holla
Mel Brooks in Silent Film “Yes, this was a parody on silent films in the form of a silent film. It was very quiet, and not very good.” Hi
Braveheart “’This is three times you have saved me… Why? Because of the way you are looking at me right now.’ Wow; lines like that made this a phenomenal movie. I LOVED it. I felt such an allegiance to William Wallace that I’m considering changing my name to Wallace. I want to be like him, minus the killing involved with his line of work.” Holla Holla Holla Holla Hi
The Boy in the Striped Pajamas “Well done, but somewhat flat. A sad, winding, ending. In an effort to not spoil anything, I will just say it’s about a boy in pajamas. You’ll have to watch it to find out if they were polka-dotted, Superman, or whatever else kind of pajamas there are.” Holla Holla
Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins “If I were Black and from the Derrty South I would have probably understood this movie a little more. It had Martin Lawrence, however, who I find hilarious. I laughed out loud a little.” Holla Holla
Stealth “This movie felt like Seventh Heaven meets Behind Enemy Lines. Sound intriguing? It was. My favorite part was the Thailand scenes.” Holla Holla Hi
X2: X-Men United “’Nuff said. It had Wolverine- my idol. If the X-Men were in Confessions of a Shopoholic, I would see that too. Actually, that gives me a good idea.” Holla Holla Holla Hi
Les Miserables “A brilliantly performed rendition (sans singing) of Victor Hugo’s invincible story. It far exceeded my expectations, and was definitely the best drama I have seen in many years. Liam Neeson and Geoffrey Rush were inspiring, terrifying, and spectacular as Jean Valjean and Javre (spelling?).” Holla Holla Holla Holla Holla
Music and Lyrics “Once again, Hugh Grant did not disappoint. He was funnier than Jerry Seinfeld on The Simpsons (that didn’t actually happen, but it would be rip-roaringly hilarious if it did). Drew Barrymore was entertaining and well cast.” Holla Holla Holla Holla
My top three movies to recommend after this summer of movies are: Braveheart (edited), Les Miserables (1998), and Music and Lyrics.If you are still reading this post, you must be a movie junkie. I can’t believe I just listed all those movies. I think I’ll go relax with a good flick.

The International Cinema

If you are a BYU student, and if you like movies, and if you speak another language, and if you are short on cash and you don't know what ANWR stands for, then boy do I have the place for you! The International Cinema! The International Cinema is self-described as "The world's largest and longest-running university foreign film program," which I personally find a little dubious. I mean, how can they make the claim that they are the 'largest foreign film program' in the world? What defines largest? Does that refer to the amount of movies shown or the number of personnel invovled in the production? And then there is the question of what defines a foreign film? Morgan Freeman is African-American; does that make Batman: The Dark Knight a foreign film? Adding to its case, there was a scene from Hong Kong, plus no one really knows where Gotham City is, so it could technically be qualified as 'foreign' to every country. And then you have to consider that the majority of films are made in the US, so every other country has a leg up on us in terms of sheer quantity of films classified as 'foreign.' For those reasons and a few others, I would not think that The International Cinema lives us to its claim. Having said that, I Love The International Cinema! I have seen a Spanish, German, English and French film there and enjoyed them all. This past weekend I saw The Legend of 1900 about a boy who spends his entire life on an ocean liner. He never sets foot on land, but he does find out that he is an exceptionally fantastic piano player. Quite strange, but nothing I wouldn't expect from The International Cinema. If you ever want to go, let me know and I will be pleased to translate for you, at least as long as it is in English or Swahili.

My Christmas Break

Well, my two week Christmas break was wonderful. I had time to post on my blog, have quality family time, sleep (I averaged nine hours a night), shop, celebrate some fantastic holidays, eat, read, and catch up on some Boston sports. I also watched a boat-load of movies. Below I have listed the movies I remember watching, one sentence about them, and a rating out of five Stars.

• Into the Blue "Great underwater camera shots and a twisting plot make the movie quite
  enjoyable- and it has Jessica Alba" Star Star Star Star
• License to Wed "It had its moments, but generally was a cake short of a complete wedding" Star Star
• Pirates of the Caribbean II: Dead Man's Chest "It's called Dean Man's Chest because you wish you were a dead man in a chest when you watch it; Master and Commander meets Star Strek" St
• The Good Year "A fantastic movie with gorgeous scenery, although I didn't understand half of what was said regarding the sommeliers" Star Star Star Star
• The Rookie "A movie as dry as the Texas barrenland, saved by an oasis of baseball scenes and an affecionate ending sure to bring tears to anyone." Star Star St
• Mammia Mia! "The Grecian Setting and Abba music saved this movie from a collapse." Star Star
• Eagle-Eye "Do not watch this movie if you have a weak heart or respond poorly to stimuli; once it gets going, it doesn't stop." Star Star Star
• Ghost Town "Very British humour, and Tea Leoni was a gem; I laughed continuously." Star Star Star St
• Traitor "A dissapointment of a flick due to its excessive violence; it was pretty much a 'How to be a Terrorist' instructional movie." Star
• The Interpreter "Astonishingly good movie with smashing acting, an appropriate score, and an intricate, current events plot that was ablaze with action and excitment." Star Star Star Star Star
• Red-Eye "A fairly typical thriller, although there was some good action; it was an all around entertaining experience-and it has Rachel McAdams" Star Star Star
• Batman II: The Dark Knight "Of course it's good, even the third time around." Star Star Star Star
• The Big Bounce "You'd think a movie set in Hawaii, with Morgan Freeman, Owen Wilson, and Charlie Sheen would be breathtaking, but, although it was good, there was room for improvement" Star Star
• Win a Date With Tad Hamilton "Um, yea, a total chick flick to the utmost degree, but I still found it to be very funny, and (I didn't cry, I swear) very sweet." Star Star Star St
• The Holiday "Another chick-flick, but one with Jack Black and one with a unique plot that made it worthwhile." Star Star Star

I did do many productive things this break, such as read F. Scott Fitzgerald, attend a Harvard women's hockey game, play my trumpet, get well rested, spend family time, and write emails. Vacations, in my book, are Star Star Star Star Star!

An Inconvenient Movie

And thus begins my career as a movie critic. Last week I went to the international cinema on campus twice... in one day. There were two movies I was dying to see and I could only go on Tuesday. The five O'clock showing was Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth." The only thing international about it was the Mexican student three rows up from me. And the people behind me, now they were funny. These two older ladies came in together and sat behind me, making priceless comments such as "[in an old lady voice] So if I like this movie does that mean I have to vote Democrat?" I almost died laughing. As for the movie, I found it redundantly redundant, and a little boring. It had choppy transitions that made me feel like I had bi-polar disorder. One minute I was learning about global warming and the next minute I was watching Al Gore growing tobacco as a young wippersnapper. I just didn't understand what the deal was with all the Al Gore history. Oh yea, now I remember. He is still bitter about the election and he wants everyone to remember him! My biggest objection however, was that he spent the whole movie describing and detailing the problem, but the only hint at a solution came interspersed between the closing credits. Seriously, the only time he mentioned anything about making a difference was after the movie was over and everyone was waking up. Do I think there is a problem with global warming? Of course. In fact I think it's a fairly important issue, but I want to make a difference and not just talk about the rising CO2 levels in the Antartican ice. The softest part of the movie, and the one that made me shed a tear, was when he said that the rising temperatures were causing icebergs to melt and polar bears to drown. The poor polar bears up at the North Pole are swimming 10-Ks up there and then drowning because they have no place to dock. Go tell that to you roommates and see if it motivates them to turn off the light when they leave the apartment. We really need to turn off the lights when we leave, and walk when you can do so reasonably! Don't make excuses, it's not hard to remember to turn out the lights and use your God-given legs! Rating: C-