A New Haircut and a New Barbershop

For those of you faithful readers (thanks Mom), you know that one of my favorite blog topics is writing about my hair cutting experiences. While these monumental events have become precipitously less thrilling since leaving the copious salon schools of Provo, Utah with all their accouterments, I still try to get the most out of my haircuts here in the DC area. My previous DC barber has been blogged about, and presumably still does a good job, but I decided to branch out a little this time. I got a flier on my door awhile back advertising a new barbershop that just opened 0.7 miles from my house. I think my aunt put the flier on my door trying to send me a message, and it worked (3 months later). Eager for fresh material I trekked out to investigate. I was pleased with the facade and the interior, although a bit surprised by the barbers. There were two women barbers, each dressed up. The younger of the two was wearing a nice dress and pumps, as if about to go to a dinner in Georgetown. Most barbers I know wear a smock. (By the way, if you do a Google Images search for pumps, you get pages and pages of shoes, and nothing about water or electric pumps. I think we know who runs the internet...) Not only were these barbers dressed quite nicely, but they were Asian! My eyes I could not believe! I thought my original Asian barbershop was just an anomaly, but apparently they have a corner on the market here! All of this was bombinating through my head in the 10 minutes I had to wait for my new doo.

Rosslyn Haircut

Did you know I actually have a label called 'Haircut' for my blog entries? This is the seventh such sizzling post. Every time I go to be groomed I try to make it a memorable experience. Today fit the bill. I have my favorite Arlington Asian barbershop atop the Rosslyn metro that I would recommend to anyone. (I've mentioned it before.) Anyway, I was pleased to see that my hair dresser renewed his cosmonaut license (Cosmetology? Cryptography? What's a professional hair dresser called again?) so that it is now good through 11/12. He expects to be in space by the end of the month he told me in garbled Mandarin. Anyway, the last time I got a haircut from this guy it was one of those 'future cuts' where your haircut looks better and better as more time elapses. I put the down payment on the style upfront and then had to pay him in increments for weeks afterward since the haircut was a long term investment. I had the same guy again today so I was a little nervous about what pricing options he was going to present at the finale.
But the price tag was just an addendum to the very humorous sign I saw therein. It is probably not seen at any other Barbershop outside of Shanghai. Here's what the sign said:

Rosslyn Stylists
*Real Barber
Flat tops
Skin Fade
Military

There was a phone number and a note saying they cut men and women's hair, but the important elements of the sign are rewritten above. I especially appreciated the asterisk letting all passersby know that they were in fact real barbers. Or, maybe it was a reference to the recent HGH scandal to hit American barbershops and barbershop quintets (a little outdated baseball humor for you there). Either way, it was a funny thing to add on a sign. And then we get to what was seen underneath. 'Flat tops?' Really? I know hi-tops are making a comeback, but has anyone sported a flat top since they were six in 1986? What's a skin fade? Is that what Michael Jackson had? Is that what Snooki currently has? How does a hair stylist give you a skin fade? And then there's military. I felt that needed some more explanation. Are the militant in their cutting ability? Do they specialize in military haircuts? Do they offer discounts for vets? Do they offer discounts for Veteran's too? So many avenues that sign could take us, and so little information provided.
This time I opted for the shorter term haircut, meaning it looks good now-today. A very pleasant experience all in all.
Sheesh, what with the spa post and now the haircut post you'd think this was a personal health blog for Asians or something...
One more musical note, can you imagine if Danny O'Donogue (the lead singer of The Script) and Adele started dating and then broke up? The musical aftermath of their demise would be more epic than the reuniting of Sacajawea and the Golden Dollar.

Rosslyn Haircuts and Dilating Shapes

This week was eventful insofar as haircuts go. I was in need of a little trim so I looked up some nearby barbershops on Yelp and found one highly recommended and very close to my house. When I walked in you'd have thought I was in a nail parlor or a dry cleaning establishment- all Asians! I have had my hair cut by a Latino, an Arab, an American, and an Antarctican penguin but never an Asian. But, as I could see because it was prominently displayed on the mirror, this salonist was certified to cut hair... at least until December 2009. Yes, his cosmotology license had expired over a year ago and still he was showcasing it as if he had graduated tomorrow. And then he turned my chair around so that I was not facing his mirror. I think he called it 'a surprise cut.' Either he wanted me to be surprised or he wanted to get a better view of the television.
The best part of the haircut was the end when he gave me a warm water straight edge shave of my neck and sideburns. It felt like I was in the Wild Wild West. They were very eager to give beard trims at this establishment. The Asian woman cutting next to me asked her client no less than 11 times if she could shave his scruff for him.
"I cut your beard, Sir?"
"No, no thank. I'll shave when I get home."
"I will do a really great job! I shave, yes?"
"Umm, no, thank you. I like the rough look." [Now repeat 5.5 more times.]
All in all I was very pleased with my haircut and it was very reasonably priced. If you need a place to get a trim in Rosslyn, give me a call.
A funny occurrence happened at school while I was teaching about shape dilations.
 I asked:
"Okay, where have you heard of dilations in real life?"
"When you're pregnant they always talk about dilating."
"When you go to do the doctor they shine a light in your eye to see if it dilates."
"When you smoke crack you get all messed up in your eyes and they dilate."
"Okay... I can't confirm that but I believe you that it's correct."

Aveda: Do it the Aveda Way

Do you know what the Aveda way is? Just when I thought I had extinguished all the hair schools in the Provo area, the salons solved my own problem: Changing ownership! What used to be the Dallas Roberts Academy is now the Aveda School of Beauty. Only not yet- it hasn't opened. I was invited to be a pre-opening hair model by an inside connection I have obtained through my reviews. Aveda is not yet taking customers from the general public, but I was invited to the junkett. There were construction workers everywhere, I had to walk through a Bosnian war-zone to get to the makeshift dust free room, and then there were only two shampoo stalls. That didn't sound like the Aveda way to me, until the haircut episode began. I sat in the chair was was instructed to close my eyes. The salonist told me she would touch my shoulder lightly and I was to take two deep breaths. The purpose of it all was to determine which scented oil I liked the best so that it could be lathered into my hair. The touch of my shoulder was... well, not really there. I couldn't tell if I had just been tapped or if someone had opened the door. After getting an oil rinse the actual massage began. I was again instructed to close my eyes as she worked me up and down my shoulders and head. Yes, there was even a coordinated ear rub involved. That, apparently, is the Aveda way. I didn't complain. Then the haircut marathon began. It was a quality, two and a half hour haircut. I had some other things planned that day that were succumbed by Aveda, but that's alright. It was a great haircut, and for monetarily free. Once Aveda opens up officially I will definitely consider going back. The oil in the hair kind of made me feel like a whale, but that's fine.

Melanoma School of Beauty

The Marinello School of Beauty- or as I like to call it, the Melanoma School of Beauty, due to the excessive evidence of tanning bed frequenters- was the sight of my most recent hair trimming. I had not heard of it until I saw their signs at the old Bon Lose it of Comedians and realized the mantle had been passed on from one beauty school to another. The first thing that struck me when I walked in was the array of trophies christened in a glass case below the receptionist. My curiosity fully engaged, I genuflected to get a better look at what type of awards could be won by a beauty school. Best Hair on a Receptionist? Best Fake Tans? Most Professional Shampooers? Least Likely to Cut Your Ear Off? Nope, the tallest guerdon was labelled as follows, and I know because I wrote it down:
First Place: Student Fantasy Bal Masque 1995
Written exactly like that. Let me break this award down.

The Dallas Roberts Academy

Well, that eventful time of each semester has come. It approaches gradually, like a trickling leak in your ceiling that you pay no heed to until its expulsive power crashes onto the crown of your head while you are washing spaghetti sauce off your nicest china. Do you know what eventful time I am speaking of? Getting a haircut!
Since the Bon Lose It School of Comedians went out of business and the last Paul Mitchell employee refused to use a buzzer even though I asked her to (I think she was scared of power tools), it became my task to find a new hair school for my grooming. Lucky for me, I live in Provo, Utah where the ratio of hair schools to bad moustaches is directly proportional. [Sidenote: The British spelling of 'moustaches' is undeniably under used, understand?] It didn't take long to find the digits for the Dallas Roberts Academy.

Paul Mitchell Lives On!

It's Tuesday, which means haircut day! Much, much to my dismay the Bon Lose It Academy of Comedians has gone out of business, leaving me with only twelve billion other hair schools in Provo to choose from. Today it was Paul Mitchell Hair School, which thankfully did not disappoint in the comedy department. I knew it was a good choice when I sat down with Alisa (not concurrently, in fact only I sat down) and she asked me if I wanted a five minute head massage. There are not enough languages in the world to accurately describe how much I agreed with that question. I tried to say yes so quickly (about one hexa-second) that the first thing to come out of my mouth was binary, and I responded with "1." She gave me a weird look, but nothing more odd than I have been receiving ever since I got a picture of Patrick Swayze tattood to my face (R.I.P.). Alisa was cordial and friendly to me, asking me such questions as "Are you picky about your hair?"
Me: "Um, no, not really."
Alisa: "Like, not at all? Good."
That was a little scary. I asked her to buzz my sides with a #2, as I usually do, but for some strange Paul Mitchell reason they are no longer allowed to use buzzers. (At least not on hair- I think they're still allowed for doorbells.) Therefore, my hair did not get cut very short and after an hour I didn't have the time to ask her to go shorter, knowing that she would be doing it all by hand and scissors. I think she cut off about four days worth of hair. When the haircut was done, Alisa brought over her supervisor who did not strike me as much of a cognoscente in the hair cutting world. Evidence: She asked me if an older sibling had whacked me on the head as a child, which she supposed caused the blond spot on the crown of my head. I told her it was a birthmark, but she was less than convinced. Evidence #2: She was short, and couldn't reach my hair, so she asked the student (Alisa) if the chair went down. I would hope that as a supervisor in a salon, she would know that the chairs can in fact higher and lower. The haircut was great, but by far the highlight of my Paul Mitchell episode was the "Movie Day" sign prominently displayed. It was advertising a fundraiser with a movie and time, both to be determined. That made me a little less than willing to buy a ticket. But then I read what the ticket included- "For a $10 ticket you get: *Fun! *A Ticket! *Casual Day! *Hours!" Can you imagine? A ticket includes a ticket, hours, and casual day! What kind of hours does $10 buy? What all does Casual Day include? It sounds intriguing. Then I read the bottom of the marquee, which read, I kid you not, "Tickets go on sell soon!" Oh dear. C'mon Paul Mitchell! I was not as impressed with my haircut as I was with the one Olga gave me last time, but it was still a great excursion. The hair schools live on!
Get pumped for October 1st 2009... It should be better than my haircut.

Bon Lose It Academy Of Comedians

I went to get a haircut on Tuesday, at the Bon Losee Academy of Hair Stylists, a member of the Marinello Schools of Beauty. I desired beauty, so I figured it was the place to go. The Bon Losee Academy has been my hair salon of choice this year; sometimes it's Paul Mitchell, sometimes Fantastic Sam's, and sometimes Image Creatures (It might actually be Image Creaters, I can never remember). Anyway, it's always an adventure over there, and I always get my monies worth in entertainment, relaxation, and usually a haircut. Tuesday's safari went above and beyond the call of duty. When my stylist (Olga) first sat me down, her supervisor came over and handed her a written test she had taken the week previous. Olga picked it up, angrily threw it down, and proclaimed, "I Failed!" Great way to begin a haircut. I told her I wanted my hair cut short, with a #2 on the sides and a square back. You know, the usual. As she started she had a pretty haphazard approach, as if she were cutting my hair based on a pseudo-random number generator. I explained to her that I only get three haircuts a year- something that was so shocking to her I thought she was going to go into cardiac arrest and cut my ear clean off, Van Gogh style (or was it Picasso?). She just couldn't get it through her head why anyone would do that. She was so amazed that she went to go tell her supervisor that I only get three haircuts a year, and my hair cutting schedule was by far her conversation of choice. She kept going back to it. During one attempt to change the conversation, I asked her if she had very many regulars. She started telling me about one person who was allergic to shampoo and had really smelly hair, but who kept coming in and requesting Olga to cut her hair. As she was telling me this I could sense her anger and I could feel her cutting my hair a little harder and a little more carelessly, so I decided to go back to my sheering schedule. Far and above, the greatest moment of the experience came when she was done with my hair. She stopped, stepped back to get a second look, and then said to me, full of purpose, "You look funny." Just like that. I wanted to explain to her that #1- Most people don't tell someone they just met that they look funny. #2- She was the one that just barely gave me my haircut, so I didn't feel personally responsible for my appearance, at least not in her presence. She was right though, I did look funny. She went to get her supervisor, who promptly went to work on my head, blending and correcting. It was all very exciting. At one time, I had my eyes closed when the supervisor brushed hair off my nose and I flinched. Olga said, "C'mon, don't do that! He's meditating!" Yes, meditating at the Salon. Oh Olga. The humor just kept on coming. As we were walking to get my hairwashed with Tea Tree shampoo (my favorite part), we passed a man with long hair and a few exiguous teeth. Olga turned to me and said, "He looks scary!" I gave her a courteous laugh, but she recognized it and said, "What? Didn't he look freaky!" Funny customer relations if you ask me. All in all, it was a great haircut that I got eventually (it's pretty dang short. It just kept going shorter and shorter and shorter). The only time I got actually scared for my life was when I told the supervisor I wanted my sideburns raised 1 centimeter. She put the razor an inch up, and I jerked away. I reminded her how much a CENTIMETER was, and my most valuable physical posessions were preserved. The last funny thing Olga did was to tell me, "This is a hard haircut because you are going from really long to really short." I wanted to ask her what other kinds of haircuts she gives that are easier (really short to really long, perhaps?) but she seemed to be having a long enough day already. Oh, the Bon Lose it Academy of Comedians, you did it again!