The Paris Ratio, Sunsets, the Louvre

Venus de Milo, craning her neck to see who took her arms; and trying to figure out how to keep her robe on without opposable thumbs.

Sarah and I, watching the sunset from the Seine.

Thomas and I at the glass pyramid portion of The Louvre.

One that first day, after Notre Dame and a French pastery, we snoozed at the hotel until early evening and then headed back into town to experience The Louvre. We bee-lined it first to the Mona Lisa, and admired it through eighty people, six inches of nuclear bomb-proof glass, and two museum curators. Despite all the obstructions I still managed to maintain five minutes of uninterrupted eye contact with Mona, which really told me a lot about her. Then it was off to the Venus de Milo, the Raft of Medusa, the Winged Victory of Samothrace, Michelangelo's Slaves, the inverted glass pyramid, and the medieval moat, among other things. After a few hours we were getting hangry* and unanimously decided to leave in search of gastronomical nourishment. We did not anticipate the labyrinthian nature of the museum, however, and we were drastically ill-prepared for our egress. I asked two docents who didn't speak English but ironically did know the English words, "You are trying to get out? HAHAHA, good luck suckaaaaas!" Without a compass or GPS, we felt helpless as the builders of Babel. Unintentionally we started making circles around the Egypt collection, going up and down endless stairs praying for tutelary powers. Just at the point of cannibalism, which decision came while in the Dutch Paintings wing, we saw a sign for an emergency exit. We could not think of any greater emergency so we bolted for the doors and surprisingly found no way out- but there was a Starbucks. With some liquid fuel in us we re-voted on the cannibalism decision, and thankfully it was struck down 3 to 1. After 1,000 more stairs and two buildings later, we emerged from The Louvre having seen only a tiny portion of its caverns, but knowing eachother a whole lot more than we did when we first went in. My advice for any future Louvre-ites is to make sure you have enough food and water to last you 72 hours, bring a GPS, and even consider hiring a guide dog. After The Louvre we ate at a nice Parisian restaurant, where I was introduced to the Paris Ratio. The Paris Ratio is this: There is a direct correlation (in Paris) between how much your meal costs and how much food you are going to get. If you order an expensive quiche with a salad, expect to get one piece of romaine lettuce with a tomato seed and a single mini quiche from Costco. Don't expect anything more than a 6 oz sippy cup for your water, either. After our late dinner we walked down to the Seine and sat on a lovely stone bridge and watched the 22:00 sunset. It birthed jollity and romance in the four of us. Watching a spectacular solar sphere set silently seems simple, sometimes, but breathtakingly beautiful beside babes being blatantely bewitching. (Booyah!) The sunset on the Seine from a bridge next to great friends is as satisfying (maybe even more) than putting exactly the right amount of water in your instant oatmeal so that it cooks perfectly. Yep, I really, really like Paris.

*Hangry (noun): The state of being angry due to extreme hunger.