29 March 2009

WEAKend? No, it was a STRONGend! Booyah!

Saturday was a day to remember. It began early, at 7:40am, when I woke up sans alarmclock. If you're not a sleep or Latin expert, that means I got enough sleep. I had a great breakfast, and then was very productive, finishing most of my work in one class for the rest of the semester. I attended a free BBQ at noon, and then headed to campus for our basketball tournament game. Remember my post long ago, about how we hadn't won a game yet? Well, our streak continued throughout the season! My waterpolo team ended the season 0-6, losing one game 46-4 (that's counting by ones, although girls' goals count as two)! My basketball team ended the regular season 0-4-1, although technically a tie counts as a win for both teams. We didn't feel like it was a solid win, however. Luckily every team makes the tournament, which consequently is single elimination. In our first game, we practiced the tried through and through practice of just showing up. It was enough to get a win, becuase no one from the other side showed up. That' a good life lesson kids. Our second game was on Saturday, and this time it was almost us that had to forfeit. With five minutes to game time we had only four players and no score keeper, both essential for a game. Our fourth player showed up with about three minutes to go, and we asked a random guy to be our essential scorekeeper. It was amazing he consented. The other team had seven players and a handful of fans. As the game went on we were getting more and more tired and they were just subbing people in. We started the game losing (they gave the other team 6 free points for winning the jump ball! Just kidding) and were losing at the half. In fact, we were never even tied, but we stuck right with them and kept the game close. We were haivng a nice time and keeping it real. Then a miracle happened, akin to the 1980 USA Men's Olympic Hockey Team. All of a sudden, with under 1:30 to go in the game, we pulled ahead! I think it was our first lead... the entire season. They tied it back up, and we fought back and forth vigorously. Some of their players were getting very angry, and it showed. Have you ever seen tomatoes come out of a man's ears? Neither have I, but they were still mad. Then an un-miracle happened, akin to the 2009 USA Men's World Baseball Classic Team. One of our players fouled out of the game. We were down to only four batallions, against their healthy seven. But we didn't give up, oh Heck No. It just made us work harder! We were leading by 3 points with under 30 seconds to go, with posession and no shotclock. They fouled us, of course, and we scored. We won the game 54 to 50. I had a season high 4 points (I actually haven't been keeping track. It may have been a season low?), half a dozen assists, roughly 4 rebounds, 2 travel calls against me, and 3 steals. I was pleased with my effort, and it felt so good to get a solid, hard earned win. They outnumbered us, but they didn't have the same attitude as us, and that was our secret. It was the most fun I have had playing basketball in a long time, and winning my first game in two sports all season was gratifying. Bring on round three Babay! It was a hard fought, grind it out and play it out win.

26 March 2009

When I am President...

When I am President, there are two major acts of legislature that will be on my agenda. The first, of less imminence and import then the second, is to convert the United States over to the metric system. Why do we need to use different measurements then the rest of the world? Converting units and measurement is ineffective, costly, and entirely unnecessary. A pound is a unit of weight in America, and in Great Britain it is a unit of currency. Go figure. If I say I am 162 pounds, would you think I was for sale? You would if I were a Briton. A meter (or 'metre') is a unit of length internationally, and in the USA it is a little device that demands quarters before it will allow you to park in front of it. Feisty. The International Organization for Standardization is located in Switzerland, and I think it's about time America sent a representative over there and signed us up. When I am President, you'd better believe it's going to happen.
Now, onto more significant law. The other major issue weighing heavily on my mind is this: Women over 60 in bikinis. It must stop. I pre-emptively propose, as President, that there be a law against women over 60 in two-pieces. Think what a better world it would be! Now, this is a lot easier said then done. It will require Lifeguards to become law enforcement officers, and they will need some form of enforcing this law. There was a storm in my brain, and here's what I came up with in terms of ideas for enforcement: nightsticks, miniature surfboards for paddling, and harpoons. Seaweed handcuffs could also work. Keep in mind that I am being very generous with the 60 age limit as it is; if the law didn't have to go through Congress and the Senate I would set the limit at 45. This will require a complete overhaul of our national beaches, including ID-ing questionable specimen, and a major crackdown on fake IDs created by sexagenaraians. The underground market for two-pieces aimed at over sixty-ites will not take long to develop, which is why I am asking you to help me now. Now is the time to be bold with your grandmother when she comes downstairs, on her way to the beach, and asks, "How do I look?" America, you must start now, and tell her, "Grandma! That ain't right!" Bennett '32!

16 March 2009

May I Warrant Your Arrest?

Part of the BYU Education Major requires that all students get fingerprinted and receive a background check in order to get licensed. I decided my time had some to just go in and get it over with. I heard it hurts like Hades to roll your finger on the screen, but I grabbed a stick to bite on, and even took some pre-emptive Vicadin to numb the pain. While I was filling out paperwork I decided that my background might be very boring to the FBI, but that doesn't mean it has to be boring to the secretary! After all, he's not the one reading my journal and wire-tapping my late-night phone conversations to the BYU operator, like the Feds are. So I thought of how I could make the secretary's day a little more interesting. While I was filling out the last sheet I nonchalantly, yet with careful reservation, asked him, "So does it matter if there is a warrant out for my arrest in a state other than Utah?" He started to laugh but I played my part well, giving him a stone-cold look like I was offended he was laughing at my troubled past. He didn't quite know what to do at that point. He had to look away to avoid laughing, and said "I'm not sure if that's a real question or not..." I opted on letting him figure it out for himself. I went and found a seat while he processed the papers, seeking to look both tough as nails and also a little insulted that he couldn't accept me for my past. I thought of mentioning that his smirking wasn't helping with my recidivism, but I figured if I pushed it any further I would just start laughing too. What is the moral of this post? Don't commit crimes in states other than Utah because you never know if you will be fingerprinted by a simpering secretary. For the record, there are no warrants out for my arrest in any U.S. territories.

12 March 2009

Lovely London Located... Leeward?

I am going to London this Spring. I will be studying the London Theatre for six weeks while living in some flats just north of Hyde Park. If you are wondering why I am studying the London Theatre, even though I am studying mathematics in Utah, it's becuase I love the Pet Shop Boys' song, "West End Girls." (The West End refers to the West End of London, which is the Theatre District). While I do enjoy that song, the real reason is that I am adopting an international alias; who would suspect an American student, studying theatre, to be up to anything? Originally I signed up for the program because I wanted to go to London and it just so happened that the Theatre program sought me out and recruited me, via mass-email. However, as the program gets closer, I am getting more and more interested in the theatre. When I get back I will be more cultured then yogurt in a plastic container. And active too! I am taking a Shakespeare class and viewing six Shakespeare plays as well as five or six other productions, including one by Beyonce I believe. It hasn't been approved by the director yet, but I'm pretty sure it'll be a shoo-in. My brother is coming on the trip, as is another one of our mutual friends from Boston. Oh yea, and 31 girls. When the trip is over I plan on resuming my studies in France for a few days, and then some other destinations. If you have any suggestions, I am eager to hear them. For example, has anyone swam the English Channel, and if so, would you recommend it? It seems like an elephantine effort, but a worthwhile one anyway. More on London to come.

03 March 2009

Things Everyone Should Do in Life

There are some things everyone should do before they die. My list includes the following, in no particular order:

2.) Shave with a buck-knife

5.) Orbit Pluto

3.) Go to the Necco candies factory and learn how they are made

1.) Use the Googlie

6.) Fly on an Eagle's wings (if no Eagle is availabe, a parakeet will do)

7.) Shave my head except for a chinstrap beard that extends around my entire head

4.) Go Heli-Skiing! Check- been there done that!

Yes, last Saturday, in an effort to say good-bye to February 2009, I celebrated with my family by going to Powder Mountain in Ogden, UT to go H-E-L-I-S-K-I-I-N-G! For those of you who think I just cursed, you are mistaken. I said I went heli-skiing, not "To h*** with skiing!" Heli-skiing consists of getting into a helicopter with all you ski equipment stuffed in an exterior rack and you in the chopper. You fly to a moutaintop away from the regular ski slope, and the helicopter lets you out to ski clean, white, deep, beautiful, unadulterated powder. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever done, besides of course the Mona Lisa. The snow on an untarnished mountain goes through a transition as it falls from the sky that makes it feel (and taste) like coolwhip. That might be a stretch of the imagination, but I'm hungry so coolwhip works for an image. The safety precautions of the trip were quite peculiar. For example, there were none. Thy ski patrol representative told us where to kneel in anticipation for the chopper. His particular spot of genuflection seemed very, very close to the helipad, and indeed when the helicopter landed it nearly squished my little toe. He told us the reason for that was that if a gust of wind hit the chopper as it was landing, and the chopper tilted over, we would be protected from the rotars. I am still trying to figure out why that would be better than having an entire helicopter land on us, but he said so, so I obeyed! We all got equipped with beacons in case we were overtaken by a Yetti, and we had a guide to make sure we knew which way was down (we only needed his assistance once). The helicopter trip was incredible, and worth the money, and I can safely say the run was one of the best of my life. Heli-skiing is definitely something that needs to be experienced before one passes on. Oh my goodness it was amazing!