Today the full time missionaries, of which I was once long ago (in Arizona), asked me to accompany them on a lesson to teach a non-Mormon who is 'investigating' the Church. It was quite a trip. I wish so bad I had a recorder with me so that I could capture the humor in all its glory, but I thought it might be a little inappropriate. To avoid the awkwardness I just set up my tripod and camcorder which was, admittedly, more obtrusive but had less of an FBI or CIA feel to it. This investigator, who I will call Gator, was extremely nice and friendly to me and the missionaries. He has met with the missionaries before, been to Church, and was quite knowledgeable regarding Mormon lingo. So what was his hold-up you don't ask? Weed. The kid loooooooves to smoke weed. And he's not willing to give it up because he believes full on that it's what Christ wants him to do and that it absolutely brings him closer to Christ. The very skilled missionaries decided to read a scripture to Gator, found in the Book of Mormon.
Moroni 7:13- "That which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God."
After this verse Gator stopped the missionaries and said "You nailed it! That's exactly right! That's how I feel every time I smoke pot! As soon as I light up Christ is right there with me, as close as ever. He encourages me to smoke more, and then we usually play stuffed animals together." At that last remark I let out a little snort and tried with all my might to hold in laughter. Have you ever had the sensation of trying to bring two or more loads of laundry up from the basement and you have socks and shirts spilling out all over, trying to escape your clinging grasp? Analogously my laughter was the laundry, and my hands were my attempt to keep the sound inside. He literally told us he plays stuffed animals with the Savior when he smokes pot.
Gator is a full on believer that Christ is his Savior and greatest advocate, and that He loves Gator. I agreed with all that. But then things got a little weird when Gator told us he regularly kisses Christ. He even gave us an impression, puckering up and pecking the thin air. It was very bizarre. Not bizarre like seeing a dolphin eat a Hammerhead shark on a gangplank, but bizarre like watching a guitarist play the violin on an exercise ball. This guy was so nice and friendly to us, but you could clearly see the weed was having a greater effect on him that he realized.
He told us that he might have to quit smoking soon because he is on probation and getting caught with Marijuana would not be good for his legal situation. He voluntarily told us that he was completely innocent. In his own words, his mother called the police after she couldn't find him one night, and she instructed the cops who found him to take him right to the hospital. As he was being arrested, the cop 'used so much force he broke all his fingers trying to put the handcuffs on me.' Hmmm... Interesting interpretation. I wasn't there so I shouldn't judge I suppose.
The lesson ended when the missionary told him that he thought the Savior would want Gator to stop smoking weed. Gator disagreed completely, and there was an awkward silence where no one knew where to look or what to say. It finally ended when Gator said, "Who's going to say the closing prayer?"
There is nothing like serving a mission. It brought back a lot of memories from my own time, I'm just too tired to write about then now.