16 March 2009
May I Warrant Your Arrest?
Part of the BYU Education Major requires that all students get fingerprinted and receive a background check in order to get licensed. I decided my time had some to just go in and get it over with. I heard it hurts like Hades to roll your finger on the screen, but I grabbed a stick to bite on, and even took some pre-emptive Vicadin to numb the pain. While I was filling out paperwork I decided that my background might be very boring to the FBI, but that doesn't mean it has to be boring to the secretary! After all, he's not the one reading my journal and wire-tapping my late-night phone conversations to the BYU operator, like the Feds are. So I thought of how I could make the secretary's day a little more interesting. While I was filling out the last sheet I nonchalantly, yet with careful reservation, asked him, "So does it matter if there is a warrant out for my arrest in a state other than Utah?" He started to laugh but I played my part well, giving him a stone-cold look like I was offended he was laughing at my troubled past. He didn't quite know what to do at that point. He had to look away to avoid laughing, and said "I'm not sure if that's a real question or not..." I opted on letting him figure it out for himself. I went and found a seat while he processed the papers, seeking to look both tough as nails and also a little insulted that he couldn't accept me for my past. I thought of mentioning that his smirking wasn't helping with my recidivism, but I figured if I pushed it any further I would just start laughing too. What is the moral of this post? Don't commit crimes in states other than Utah because you never know if you will be fingerprinted by a simpering secretary. For the record, there are no warrants out for my arrest in any U.S. territories.