The Massage

Upon completing finals this past week, I decided to take a Personal Day and do some things I like to do, such as getting a haircut (see previous post), eating at the Cannon Center, getting a massage, pretending I'm blind and seeing how far I can drive without hearing a car honk, and wearing toe socks. That's a rather ambitious schedule for one weekday, and since personal days are supposed to be casual anyway, I threw out the last two items on my docket and stuck with the massage. I received a coupon in the "Val-Pak" coupons envelope for a 30 minute $12 massage. (Most people abjure this 'spam,' whereas I peruse it excitedly for pizza coupons that I hold onto for years before throwing them out because the pizza joint goes out-of-business.) I scheduled my appointment, got stressed-out and lost trying to find the clinic, and eventually made it exactly on time (I hear if you are not punctual they turn your massage into acupuncture... in the face...). Anywho, I sat on a spineless chair while my masseus questioned my medical background and searched for a medical defect, of which I had none, and then told me, "I will leave now and let you strip down to whatever you are comfortable in. Just ring this bell when you are ready for me to come back in." Hmmm, whatever I am comfortable in? Pause for a moment and consider what you would do.
My proclivity would have been to ask for a bathrobe and my toe socks, but I figured for her sake I would just take my shirt and shoes off. Upon dinging the bell three times, she returned to me like a dog to its vomit, although that image isn't entirely accurate or pleasant. I laid down on the bed while she rubbed massage oil on my back- which I think was just sunscreen- and then proceeded to work my kinks, knots, knobs, and kramps out like a rolling pin on bubble wrap, only with less popping noises and even more enjoyment (if you can imagine having more fun than bubble wrap. Yes, it's possible). After my thirty minute massage, I was honored to meet the doctor whose clinic I was attending. He put me on a machine and jackhammered my spine, from my neck to my tailbone, into place. While I don't remember the experience very well due to the jarring motions, the Doc told me I could now look higher and look lower due to increased mobility in my neck. I told him I could see the ceiling and the floor before his jackhammering, but he didn't seem to be very amused. I guess I had my expectations too high when I thought I was going to get full 180 turning radius for my neck (like an owl). My personal day was very pleasant, although with this blog I have obliterated the word personal from "Personal Day." Still though, it was a great ________ day.