If I were the President of Brigham Young University-Provo, I would make the following changes:
5.) Rename 'Cosmo.' He is a rapacious feline, don't get me wrong, but his name must be changed. If BYU's mascot was an astronaut or a martian, Cosmo would be fitting. As it stands, Cosmo needs to legally alter his name to something like 'Shipbuilder' or 'Hairy One.' Those are the names that will strike fear in the hearts of his opponents the world over. If people complain, just pretend he got married and now goes by his wife's surname.
4.) Abolish Jamba Juice on campus. People are obsessed with Jamba Juice and it's affecting their health significantly, both physically and mentally. They say to themselves, "I'll just eat this 64oz. fruit smoothie for breakfast. It has enough sugar to make a martyr out of a diabetic or a corpse out of a really big bear, but I'm sure it's healthy because it has wheatgrass in it. Horses eat wheat and grass, and they are big and strong, so it must be equivalent to spinach!" Hence the demise of mental health. I don't like Jamba Juice.
3.) Set up a meals-for-cable program. I would gladly invite a random freshman over for an hour of my non-BYU cable if they fed me at the Cannon Center (we have the Food Network and the Travel Channel!). Heck, I'd pretty much do anything for a meal at the Cannon Center including tutoring, doing the Hokey-Pokey, or feeding fish to alligators, if the situation arose.
2.) Expand the music collection in the music room of the testing center. If I have to listen to the 'Seminary Soundtrack' one more time while taking a test, I'm going to light my exam on fire (with my eyes, nonetheless) and cram it in the antiquated CD player as it musically interprets Nephite coinage. And then I will obfuscate the 'Repeat' button so that when I take a four hour test I don't hear the same CD four times.
1.) Stop all Church meetings taking place in the practice rooms of the Harris Fine Arts Center (and move them elsewhere). I'd rather have Church in a tent, like Isaiah, than on the cement chairs of the windowless HFAC basement. The rooms are soundproof, childproof, windowproof, and surrounded by ominous instrument lockers that give the room a feeling of musical captivity. The podium is a wooden pier that tilts to the side when the speakers get up to talk and the Bishop's office has make-up busts in it that are quite freaky.
While I am very satisfied with my BYU education, there is always room for improvement. If you went to BYU, what would you change?