01 December 2009

Blood Mathematics

Yesterday I went to my teacher's office hours to receive assistance on my futile mathematics homework. When I walked into his office I needed an extra hand to get my junk out my trunk (translation: my homework out of my bag), and unfortunately I had left my robotic arm at home. Of all the days... Needing more limbs, I put my paper in my mouth while I occupied both my arms with other activities (juggling, doing the Macarena, high-fiving my teacher). When I pulled the paper out of my grill (translation: my mouth) it scathed my chops and gave me a wicked papercut right on my upper labrum (translation: lip). The timing was infalliable- as my teacher looked up to see what my query was, I began curdling blood from the mouth. With silent communication (not sign language, just a definitive look) he wondered why I was suddenly bleeding from the mouth, and if it was a sign of leprosy, Swine flu, foot and mouth disease, or some other degenerative disease like rabies or vampire-ism. I ventured to cover it up, but I could feel the blood coming as a squirrel runs to a nut. I just sucked it up and proceeded to ask my question (which, ironically, was on the red blood cell counts in squirrels)! My professor offered me an ace bandage, which I took as a sign that he wanted me to stop talking. I declined, and proceeded to drip blood all over his computer keyboard, granola bars, and class notes. We are now blood brothers, sealed with mathematics. Just like the Brothers Karamazov.

5 comments:

Creighton said...

Consider me a myrmidon of yours. From our days of expostulating the arizonians from their wicked ways, we formed a consociation hard to be matched. Whenever I read your blog, I feel refined, sophisticated, and renewed. Keep up the good work and these literary masterpieces.

Danielle Mendel said...

I seriously laughed out loud in the middle of the math lab when I read this. I'm sorry that sounds traumatically entertaining. Pray tell... which professor are you referencing?

Megan said...

Ouch! Did you cut the fleshy part of your lip, or more towards the corner of your mouth? If it was the corner, then that is a double ouch! That said, I am now caught up on comments. It is funny that you thought Thomas (not your brother, of course) was you. I think the only similarity between you two is that you are both tall.

Philip said...

David! I was in the LRC reading this entry, then barely stifled the instant laugh when I read "I began curdling blood from my mouth." HiLARious. Your blog entries are entertaining, educative, and "scroll-downers". Thanks!

brook said...

sounds incredibly awkward. if only all of that mayhem could have been done surreptitiously, your teach wouldn't have even notice the cut in your orbicularis oris.