Intramural Sports

My life has been hectic (at best) over the past few weeks. Allow me to clue you in:

• My innertube waterpolo team is undefeated. We even beat a team named "The De-Protenators" fomr the chemistry department. This is marked improvement from last season when we did not win a single game. 
• My intramural basketball team GOT IN A BENCHES-CLEARING BRAWL LAST NIGHT and it was awesome! Before I begin allow me to explain that I only know one person on my team, the one who invited me to join. I cannot be responsible for anyone else and I don't know what pushes their buttons or how 'easy to anger' they are. Having said that, here's how it went down: Our player came down hard with a rebound and called a timeout to make sure he wasn't hurt (he hit his head on the floor). The other team didn't notice the time-out so they ran over to our downed man and tried to strip the ball from him. Well, he didn't like that very much so he had a few words for the opponent and as soon as he got up there was a shoving match. Then they started throwing punches. Before you could say "Keep it cool as the bee's knees" the fight escalated and everyone (except me, of course) was in the throes of a gigantic brawl. The wives rushed in the middle to pull their husbands apart and the refs of course were yanking jerseys apart as best they could. It was so exciting! The only involvement I got was when our teams were separated and one of the opponents came over and nudged my teammate and said some unkind words in his face. My teammate started after him but I got in his way and told him to let it be. Yea, that's right. I totally saved the day. The intramural people really didn't know what to do after the debacle and ended up calling in back-up supervisors to help make punishments. The other team hit their five-a-season-aggressive-technical-fouls limit and were handed the loss. Even though one of my teammates got suspended from playing and likely reported to the honor code, we came off virtually unscathed and with a win! Our three wins this season have come from two no-shows and now a DQ'd team. We enter tournament play next week with a 3-2 record, our only actual games ending in losses. Smiley Face. We were only 12 minutes into the game so I was bummed we didn't get to finish it, but alas.
• I'm dating a pulchritudinous Oregonian.

Two Terrifying Tattoos

This weekend I went to a Mardi Gras party. Fat Tuesday was three days earlier and hence the party was a little dilatory, although its coincidence with the weekend was convenient. For Lent I had given up Mardi Gras parties, but I realize now that it was an ambitious goal indeed. I only made it 3/40 of the way to Easter. Oh well, that's what New Year's Resolutions are for, right? At the 'Narleans' celebration there were temporary tattoos. I picked one up with a festive saxophone playing itself (there were musical notes but no lips. Huh.) and one that had a masque with feathers on it, akin to something you might see at an International Batman Convention. Where to place the tats was a serious thought on my mind from the moment I walked in the door to the moment I applied them to my moist skin two minutes later. I thought the saxophone would look good on the corner of my mouth, but then I was worried people would tell me I had a little bit of Gumbo on my lips all evening, and nobody wants that. Then I considered putting the mask tattoo on my big toe, but I was worried no one would see it. Eventually I put one tattoo on the area where my bicep should be-if I had one- and the other one where my tail should be- if I had one. Just messing, I put it on my forearm. But still, it begged the question: Where would you get a real tattoo and what would it be? I was thinking of maybe getting a really cool ottoman tattoo on my ankle so that I could give the impression that my feet were always up. I think I would get it in Shebogan, Wisconsin. I hear they have some superb parlors there.
My temporary tattoos were great all up until I had to go to the testing center. They wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't been wearing a wife-beater, which also drew some ire. Meh.

The Dollar Theater Triple Feature

Three movies (in the theater) in one day? Check that one off my bucket list!
While lying in bed one night a brilliant idea came into my otherwise relaxed mind. I love to see movies, and I love to only pay $1.25 for them. So why stop at one? And then I thought, Why stop at two? Anyone can see two movies in one day. What not see three? Then I thought of a really funny joke about the number 0 and the number 8 that my cousin told me, followed by a smile, and then I was dozing.

The Paradoxical Life of a Singlet in Provo

I am a singlet living in Provo, UT; It comes with a lot of baggage. If you aren't Mormon you probably won't understand most of this post, but bear with me and don't think we're too weird.
Two weeks ago we had a two hour meeting in Church called "That's the Way it Is," which is the code word for "Bishop's Semesterly Chastity Talk." For two hours the single men learned about he evils of pornography and were made to feel like we would be destroyed if we tried any funny business on a first date.
Then last Sunday we had another two hour meeting, this time on dating. We were encouraged heavily to ask girls out and kiss them.  How do you figure? Did they expect us to just disregard everything we learned the previous week? My head is spinning like a gelid ice cube on a skating rink. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. It's no wonder there are so many singlets in Provo.