03 May 2010

My Issues With Plastic Army Men

I was playing Army-Men last week, having as delightful a time as one can have when pretending small, green men are alive and hostile towards one another. I was impressed with the composure of the generals as they boldly directed their troops, and at the flag bearers who held strong while waving their colors (green and green, from both sides) proudly. The bravery of the front line soldiers was commendable and the mortar soldiers fired away as if they their lives depended on it- and really, their lives did depend on it.
But then I saw a soldier that really addled me. While all the comrades surrounding him were valiantly defending their rights and freedoms, this soldier was looking for loose change! He had his nifty little metal detector and was vigilantly perusing the dirty battlefield for gold, silver, nickle, or whatever else might elicit monetary value. I was supremely offended at his disrespect for his fellow soldiers fighting so courageously while he tried to make some extra money. I made sure that he was eliminated fairly quickly by the opponents. He was taken out by a bazooka, in fact. I guess all I'm saying is that if you are called to go to war, may you be blessed, and please don't go out trying to make some extra money from extra change. That's just not cool.
Please note that the perpetrator in question is the man in the fourth row, third column. Everyone else appears to be hard at work while he is looking for gold!

5 comments:

Bethany said...

Haha oh Dave, I'm glad you called that guy out on his laziness! Sadly enough, he represents a contingent in our military who truly are lazy -- Ben can vouch for that! And by the way, he actually uses these little green soldiers to help plan missions. :)

Cat said...

You are so right... he has a mean, crafty look about him. Definitely not a team player.

Creighton said...

Maybe the government asked him to do it to help fund the war, because they were too afraid to raise taxes in a recession? So in fact, he was doing his duty, and you wrongfully judged him. I thought I knew you Dave, I really did.

Lyndsi Shae* said...

You're right, Thomas Hardy is sufficiently rad. I mixed him up with the author I read after him in my last class, Frank Norris. He had these two cute elderly characters: Old Grannis and Miss Baker. They live next door to each other and are in love though they never ever speak. It's adorable. OG and MB show up occasionally, and otherwise I think: Eh. Definitely eh. So, all has been absolved. Although if we did disagree on authors, we could probably still be friends, right?
And maybe the metal-detector dude is watchin for secret trap doors? Or mine-fields? Just givin this guy the benefit of the doubt.

Brian said...

Gold, lost change on a beach, mines/IEDs, optimus prime...it could be any number of sought after metallic goodies.

We may have even looked at this all wrong. What if that's a weed-wacker, and he's simply trying to pave the way for his comrades?

What if he's at a railroad switch, and he's putting himself on the front line route the supply trains to his waiting men?

Or, what if that's a special plunger, and he's unclogging a toilet for the benefit of all of those men who are too busy to clean up their own mess? Plumbers are people too.

The entertainment possibilities with Army Men are endless!