Halloween is just around the corner which naturally leads to a discussion of costumes, candy, and calamari. I'll start with the most important of this trifecta- candy. Can the man or woman who invented the term 'fun size' please be required to eat a Snickers bar of this size and describe how fun it is in a 10 page essay, single spaced? I would be interested to read it. What's fun about a candy bar the size of your thumb? If you ask me, the King sizes are way more fun than a 'fun size' candy bar. With the King size bar you get to just keep eating it and eating it. The fun doesn't stop after one bite. Another qualm I have is with Milk Duds. Every time I pop one into my mouth I think there is going to be a nice, moist, milky substance inside. And every time I get a dud. You'd think I would catch on given the name, but it hasn't yet set into my thick skull.
Moving swiftly along to costumes, I was thinking of going as a manatee this year. Their fat, blubbery skin could be easily made out of bacon grease stuffed into trash bags, with a small straw deposited into a hole to breath out of. That sounds exactly how I want to spend my Halloween. Since manatees don't see very well I would just assume the costume's drawbacks and not see either.
Now onto my favorite Halloween treat- calamari. I've been waiting a long, long time to get some seafood in my trick or treat bag, but thus far no one has consented anywhere except at the Smith's Seafood Department during the Children's Trick or Treat Halloween Spectacular I went to last year. They all gave me a funny look when I showed up wearing an old man's costume. I told them I was really only 8, but that my costume was so good many people had been fooled so they shouldn't worry about getting tricked either. I then requested calamari and they gave me one piece of squid which I greatly appreciated.