06 December 2011

The Chapstick, Batteries, and the Desk

I have a nice desk at my home. It's grand and monogamous (or is the word mahogany? I can never remember). What I do not have, however, is a chair with wheels. In fact, the chair is a dining room chair- very uncomfortable and best at cutting the circulation out of your legs where the cushioning meets the wood frame. As such, I don't roll in it much. It stays static- stuck in my room like the sixteen legged bug under the cup I trapped last April and have been to chicken to clean up. I can't open my desk drawers very much because my torso gets in the way of a full opening (this would all be solved with a throne on wheels). But today, in my boredom, I decided to suck in and open up the main drawer a little more. Boy, what a surprise! Within the caverns of my desk I found the following:
  • 2 unopened AA batteries- just the kind I need for my electric umbrella. 
  • Three fun sized Snickers bars. I ate them whole- wrapper included. It wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.
  • A brand new cylinder of Burt's Bees chapstick. The only lips it has touched are Burt's, and I am okay with that.
There was a whole lot of other junk in there, such as a sealed envelope for a dead man named Will (I just tossed that) and a really old copy of  Chaucer's Short Stories- First Edition. I have the most recent edition so I tossed that as well. Actually, come to think of it, I believe that book fell in the shredder on accident. The shredded remains then got burned when I put some hot bacon grease in my trashcan and started a small bedroom fire. Note to self- do not cook bacon on a frier in bed. Or on a Friar for that matter; they are good for lighting spiritual fires, less so for physical fires.
And to think that all this goodness came from opening just one drawer. I have been too overwhelmed by the batteries and too busy applying chapstick to venture into the other drawers. Who knows what treasures will be found therein?
PS- I think Gnarls Barkely and Cee Lo Green are the same person. Has anyone ever seen them together? Probably not!


Anonymous said...

Sir David, great humorous blog about the recent treasure trove discovery. Burt's Bees Lip Balm is the best. What will you find next in the other drawers?
PS- Cee Lo Green is the name of the singer and Gnarls Barkley is the name of his band.

- An Independent Mormon Angkor

Megan said...

Back when I didn't need more money, I used to find $20 bills in pockets and drawers all of the time. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen anymore.

Emily said...

Dave, you are hilarious.