I have a nice desk at my home. It's grand and monogamous (or is the word mahogany? I can never remember). What I do not have, however, is a chair with wheels. In fact, the chair is a dining room chair- very uncomfortable and best at cutting the circulation out of your legs where the cushioning meets the wood frame. As such, I don't roll in it much. It stays static- stuck in my room like the sixteen legged bug under the cup I trapped last April and have been to chicken to clean up. I can't open my desk drawers very much because my torso gets in the way of a full opening (this would all be solved with a throne on wheels). But today, in my boredom, I decided to suck in and open up the main drawer a little more. Boy, what a surprise! Within the caverns of my desk I found the following:
- 2 unopened AA batteries- just the kind I need for my electric umbrella.
- Three fun sized Snickers bars. I ate them whole- wrapper included. It wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.
- A brand new cylinder of Burt's Bees chapstick. The only lips it has touched are Burt's, and I am okay with that.
There was a whole lot of other junk in there, such as a sealed envelope for a dead man named Will (I just tossed that) and a really old copy of
Chaucer's Short Stories- First Edition. I have the most recent edition so I tossed that as well. Actually, come to think of it, I believe that book fell in the shredder on accident. The shredded remains then got burned when I put some hot bacon grease in my trashcan and started a small bedroom fire. Note to self- do not cook bacon on a frier in bed. Or on a Friar for that matter; they are good for lighting spiritual fires, less so for physical fires.
And to think that all this goodness came from opening just one drawer. I have been too overwhelmed by the batteries and too busy applying chapstick to venture into the other drawers. Who knows what treasures will be found therein?
PS- I think Gnarls Barkely and Cee Lo Green are the same person. Has anyone ever seen them together? Probably not!
3 comments:
Sir David, great humorous blog about the recent treasure trove discovery. Burt's Bees Lip Balm is the best. What will you find next in the other drawers?
PS- Cee Lo Green is the name of the singer and Gnarls Barkley is the name of his band.
- An Independent Mormon Angkor
Back when I didn't need more money, I used to find $20 bills in pockets and drawers all of the time. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen anymore.
Dave, you are hilarious.
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