Christmas Trees and Dating

On Saturday, 12/1/12, I went to cut down a Christmas tree for my sister and for my sister. Or rather I should say I sat in the car and ate Christmas cookies while they both looked for acceptable trees and then their husbands cut them down while their babies oogled, ahhhhhed, and got their photos taken. I then helped secure the trees to the respective cars by providing a nice beatbox for my brothers-in-law-only to tie the knots to. I think it really helped. This thinking was confirmed by my sister's comment "Hey Dave, can you please stop attracting ducks with your mouth noises? They're starting to crowd your niece and scare her." On a more serious funny note (serious in that it actually happened, funny in that it's comical) we rolled down the windows and ran the twine though the car to secure the tree on top. When it was done and we were satisfied, we realized that in the process we also tied all the doors shut. Dang. We essentially sacrificed our car for the tree. You could still get in and out of the car, you just had to crawl through the open windows.
But back to dating. Where we ever on dating? I think I was on dating because I went on a date the evening previous. I was thinking about the date, and thinking about Christmas trees, and then my brother-in-law said the two were similar, so I thought about it some more will eating those cookies in the car, especially given that I was now locked into the car. Here are some ways that cutting down your own Christmas tree in Maryland and dating are similar:

• They both require similar tools- like saws, Newfoundlands, and twine. On my aforementioned date we saw a very large Newfoundland (do they come any other way?) being walked by a man with a twine leash. The date would not have been the same without that spectacle. As for the saw, well I suppose it wasn't technically necessary for the evening's success, but I did bring one along in case it might come in handy, which it did when my date couldn't get her seatbelt off. In relation to Christmas trees- we needed the twine for securing the tree, and the dogs were there to pull the trees back to your car. I can't exactly remember how the saw related to the Christmas tree cutting experience, but I do recall wishing we had one as the Newfy broke two teeth trying to gnaw our chosen Douglas fir free.
• Dating and Christmas tree shopping both provide many excellent choices. My readership in prison may choose to disagree, but I cannot with a straight face claim that there are no dating options for me. My only complaint would be that I haven't found very much variety in the motorcycle driving, math loving, rap-music-listening population. As a motorcycle driving, math loving, rap-music-listening club we have been holding meetings once a week for 9 straight weeks in an effort to set people up, and so far we have an enrollment of one. (On the bright side at least I don't have to chase anyone down for dues.) It's hard to pick the right person to date and marry. While Christmas tree procuring, we also ran into this problem. There were so many good options it was hard to pick just one. But once we did, we gnawed it off, tied it to the top of the car, and then presented it to the living room. I tried this with my October date, and ended up with a rap sheet as long as Rapunzel's hair after extensions and a good wash.

Dating and Christmas tree shopping are also very different in many ways. Many being defined as one:

• Christmas tree shopping is very enjoyable with your family. Dating... not so much.

Yes, these two activities were a great way to spend the first weekend in December.  Next time I go on a date I'm going to try and not cut her off entirely, like I did with the Christmas trees.