27 July 2014

Married Life- One Month In

Married life continues to be wonderful. One issue that has been interesting, however, is the non-verbal communicado. Take, for example the note I came home to the other day. It was on our super ghetto breadbox, which was housing some delicious lemon poppy-seed bread that the cookander-in-chief made. The note said "Do not lift unless you can kill it."
That's all. Nothing else. The way I see it, that note could be interpreted two different ways:

  1. In a metaphorical sense, Caity is sick of me nibbling on the bread, destroying its beautiful shape and refusing to cut off pieces when I eat it. The note could be subtly telling me that if I'm going to eat one piece, I'd better eat the entire thing. To 'kill it' if you will. If that is the case, then it is definitely indicative of a much deeper issue. Clearly, Caity takes issue with my inability to finish what I start. She probably sits at home all day wondering if I'm ever going to repair the fridge so we don't have to eat out of ice chests anymore, or if I'm ever going to finish what I started with taking the trash ALL the way out and not just to the back door for the coyotes to finish. If that is the case, the note is a sign of a much, much deeper issue in our young marriage. A part of me feels like I should take about it with her, and a part of me says "Keep everything to yourself in your wedded life."
  2. In a literal sense, she could be implying that there's something menacing under or in the breadbox.  Something that must be killed. What could it be? Whatever it was was so terrifying that she didn't even have time to warn me of it's nature, just that it's life needed to cease. A ghost? A snake? A cricket? A feral wolf? 
Well, eventually I decided that as Caity wasn't going to be home for a few hours and whatever was under or in that breadbox was nibbling at my food, so it was time to take action. I Googled "What hides in a breadbox?" but all the results were Pinterest links to children's games involving hiding paper dolls in breadboxes. I tried to resist, but since I was alone at my computer after dark I ended up giving in and looking at kids' Pinterest ideas for an hour. There are some REALLY cute pinwheel ideas that fit perfectly in a breadbox. But then, then, that's when I buckled down. I got the fire extinguisher in one hand and a baseball bat in the other and approached the kitchen. It was dark. I opted against turning the light on because I've found that wielding a baseball bat is way more fun in the dark. I approached the breadbox, ready to either completely annihilate a fire-breathing dragon or entirely eat the rest of the nibbled bread. I opened the lid. Nothing. I lifted the box up. A baby cricket was there, trapped underneath the box. I killed him. I'm pretty sure that's what the note was about. It was not the sign of a deeper communication issue. It was not a feral wolf. It was just a cricket, which Caity hates more than death. Problem solved. The problem of the cricked, anyway. The problem of the non-verbal communication still remains.
PS- As always, the vast majority of this is hyperbole. We don't have any communication issues and no one gave me that wedding advice in the second paragraph. We're doing juuuuust great. :)

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