24 August 2009

Movies I Have Seen This Summer

FREEDOM! That will forever remind me of New Hampshire and Braveheart.
You will not regret this movie. Unless you are French.
Hugh Grant, you have done it again.

As you may recall, I like to watch movies. Especially over religious holidays such as Ramadan and at Bar Mitzvahs. Summertime is also great for movies, mostly only because the rental store (aka the library) has year round air conditioning and it gets quite cold in the Winter months. Anywho, I have analyzed my Summer movies, giving them each a brief review, and a scale from zero ‘Hollas’ to five ‘Hollas.’ A half of a ‘Holla’ is represented by a ‘Hi’ (I was going to use ‘Ho’ but my gardener told me it was offensive).
Cheaper by the Dozen “Steve Martin could be in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and it would be funny. This one was slightly reminiscent of an experience I had at my grocery store recently, while purchasing eggs.” Holla Holla Holla Hi
The Fantastic Four “A fine addition to the Marvel series, although the only thing worth marveling over is Jessica Alba.” Holla Holla Holla
Look Both Ways “An independent film that probably should have remained that way. Its company was not appreciated, although the Australian accents and scenery were fun to watch. It’s about pessimistic people that don’t do anything with their lives but think about death. It sort of reminded me of Al-Queda.” Hi
The Medallion “Jackie Chan as a jeweler. It had potential, but all in all Jackie just wasn’t that great selling pendants for a living. If I want to see a jeweler I’ll go back to Provo.” Holla Hi
The Forgotten “I won’t forget this one for awhile. You shouldn’t forget this review for at least the rest of today. A thriller about motherhood. Yes, that’s truthfully what it’s about. It makes you thankful for your own mother and her alien fighting powers, judging of course that she is Juliana Moore and legitimately has Martian marshalling abilities. ” Holla Holla Holla Holla
The Longest Yard “With the exception of The Greatest Invention Since Sliced Bread: A Documentary on The Rolodex, this was the most offensive movie I have seen. I had to turn it off at the twenty minute mark. I think maybe it was about my walk from King Henry to the Talmage Building on a cold December morning, but I didn’t watch it long enough to find out.” This one doesn’t even deserve a complimentary hand wave, never mind a Hi or Holla.
Super Size Me “It was about food; how could I not like it? Watching a healthy man with a fu-manchu destroy his innards on McDonald’s was surprisingly quite entertaining.” Holla Holla Holla
Mel Brooks in Silent Film “Yes, this was a parody on silent films in the form of a silent film. It was very quiet, and not very good.” Hi
Braveheart’This is three times you have saved me… Why? Because of the way you are looking at me right now.’ Wow; lines like that made this a phenomenal movie. I LOVED it. I felt such an allegiance to William Wallace that I’m considering changing my name to Wallace. I want to be like him, minus the killing involved with his line of work.” Holla Holla Holla Holla Hi
The Boy in the Striped Pajamas “Well done, but somewhat flat. A sad, winding, ending. In an effort to not spoil anything, I will just say it’s about a boy in pajamas. You’ll have to watch it to find out if they were polka-dotted, Superman, or whatever else kind of pajamas there are.” Holla Holla
Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins “If I were Black and from the Derrty South I would have probably understood this movie a little more. It had Martin Lawrence, however, who I find hilarious. I laughed out loud a little.” Holla Holla
Stealth “This movie felt like Seventh Heaven meets Behind Enemy Lines. Sound intriguing? It was. My favorite part was the Thailand scenes.” Holla Holla Hi
X2: X-Men United “’Nuff said. It had Wolverine- my idol. If the X-Men were in Confessions of a Shopoholic, I would see that too. Actually, that gives me a good idea.” Holla Holla Holla Hi
Les Miserables “A brilliantly performed rendition (sans singing) of Victor Hugo’s invincible story. It far exceeded my expectations, and was definitely the best drama I have seen in many years. Liam Neeson and Geoffrey Rush were inspiring, terrifying, and spectacular as Jean Valjean and Javre (spelling?).” Holla Holla Holla Holla Holla
Music and Lyrics “Once again, Hugh Grant did not disappoint. He was funnier than Jerry Seinfeld on The Simpsons (that didn’t actually happen, but it would be rip-roaringly hilarious if it did). Drew Barrymore was entertaining and well cast.” Holla Holla Holla Holla
My top three movies to recommend after this summer of movies are: Braveheart (edited), Les Miserables (1998), and Music and Lyrics.If you are still reading this post, you must be a movie junkie. I can’t believe I just listed all those movies. I think I’ll go relax with a good flick.


siovhan said...

I read ALL of it.
I HATED Fantastic Four. The Longest Mile is the among the worst movies I've attempted to watch and given up on. I fell asleep watching Super Size Me during a class at BYU. And I love Les Mis, and I enjoy Music and Lyrics (Megan used to sing that soundtrack to me). And X-MEN = AWESOME.

Becky said...

I also felt that Les Miserables was one of the most inspiring dramas I'd seen in years and it made me love those two actors forevermore. Tonight Whitney, Jenny, Cousin Tim, Bapak, and I watched Fun With Dick and Jane (I'm remembering that's on your blogger profile's favorite movies list--yes, I have a good memory for things like that) and we (minus Grandpa) roared the whole way through. Jenny had never seen it. We watched with subtitles for Grandpa's sake and caught even more jokes--try it sometime!
Have fun in Yellowstone!

Jenny said...

We watched The Longest Yard at my school this week as a babysitting-the-students-between-semesters activity and I kept thinking, "What a great idea! Show that living in jail is a fun, exciting, athletic party to a bunch of kids headed that direction!" But then I thought it was kind of weird to think that since it was actually a movie about you walking to the Talmage.

Oh, and despite having the creepiest Marius ever cast, Les Miserables still remains my most-recommended movie to others.